Best Marriage Advice

I was at two different wedding showers last weekend. (Those things always come in bunches, don’t they?!) At each of them, we were asked to share marriage advice and/or a written prayer or blessing for the couple. Of course, those things are so hard to think of on the spur of the moment. I always think later of what I wish I had written down. And obviously, people write whole books on the subject of marriage (some of which we recommend in our favorite books section!). But if I had to pick the single best marriage advice … it would be to outlaw the “d” word in your home and life. The “d” word? DIVORCE.

Tracy and I had been married about 2-3 years when it happened. We were having a big fight. Which is and was actually fairly rare for us, even in those “we’re still figuring out the marriage thing” early years. I remember saying something and turning around to shut myself in the bathroom—it is hard to walk away from someone in an apartment the size of a postage stamp—and he said IT. “Well, then, why don’t we just get a divorce.” I slowly peered around the corner of the bathroom doorway back at him; he was standing on the other side of the open shelving dividing our kitchenette from our living room. I’ve heard him tell other people that I looked at that moment like he had struck me with a baseball bat. I quietly and slowly said, “That Word Is Not Allowed.” He dropped his head. And that was it … neither one of us has said it since, and it’s been a LOT of years now.

Why outlaw a word? What difference does that make? Well, it’s more than the word. It’s the whole concept. When you take divorce off the table as a possible option, either now or in the future, it changes the whole dynamic of your marriage. Instead of a wimpy “’til our love turns cold” you MEAN “’til death do us part.” Instead of half-hearted, "well, we tried to make it work," you work at it until you get it right. You don’t approach marriage as "well, I’m making the best of it." You both say, "we want this to be great. We’re going to do what it takes to take it to the next level. We want long-term, deep love and passion. And we’re willing to do the hard work to make it reality!"

Whether you’re engaged, or newly wed, or approaching the 20, 30, 40+ year anniversary, I hope and pray that you have a testimony marriage—the kind those around you will want to emulate. Not for your glory, but as a testimony to the God who created man and woman and tells us how to do marriage right.

Funerals

Two years ago this week, one of the most amazing young ladies who has ever been a part of our high school ministry was killed in a car wreck. This week, we thought our friends’ 5-year-old might be going home to Jesus, but instead, she got to go back home with her earthly family. Last night, my husband preached a sermon for a Good Friday service titled, “The funny thing about funerals.”

Of course, your first thought is naturally, “there’s nothing funny about a funeral!” Unless you’ve been around a funeral home director in his unguarded moments—they all have funny stories. Anyway, my hubby talked about how we don’t know how to act when there is a dead person in the room. And how freaked everyone would be if the dead person suddenly wasn’t, if he got up out of the casket. The point is, that is how the world should be when they are around us. If we are truly alive in Christ (Philippians 3) it should be so freaky, the world wants to know what is up.

The two young ladies I mentioned in the first paragraph qualify. The high schooler was so different, so freaky for Jesus…everyone she ever met knew how she felt about her savior. Hundreds of people came to the funeral. People who hadn’t ever been to church. People who kept coming back. She had more impact in her short years than most of us will make in decades. And the 5-year-old…she has people on their knees around the globe on her behalf. The people at the hospital marveled at all the cards. They wanted to know who was this small person, what was so special about her, and her family? The answer is simple. Jesus. Alive. Not dead. Not in a tomb. Ever again!

I want to live like that.

Have a blessed Resurrection Sunday!