Best Marriage Advice

I was at two different wedding showers last weekend. (Those things always come in bunches, don’t they?!) At each of them, we were asked to share marriage advice and/or a written prayer or blessing for the couple. Of course, those things are so hard to think of on the spur of the moment. I always think later of what I wish I had written down. And obviously, people write whole books on the subject of marriage (some of which we recommend in our favorite books section!). But if I had to pick the single best marriage advice … it would be to outlaw the “d” word in your home and life. The “d” word? DIVORCE.

Tracy and I had been married about 2-3 years when it happened. We were having a big fight. Which is and was actually fairly rare for us, even in those “we’re still figuring out the marriage thing” early years. I remember saying something and turning around to shut myself in the bathroom—it is hard to walk away from someone in an apartment the size of a postage stamp—and he said IT. “Well, then, why don’t we just get a divorce.” I slowly peered around the corner of the bathroom doorway back at him; he was standing on the other side of the open shelving dividing our kitchenette from our living room. I’ve heard him tell other people that I looked at that moment like he had struck me with a baseball bat. I quietly and slowly said, “That Word Is Not Allowed.” He dropped his head. And that was it … neither one of us has said it since, and it’s been a LOT of years now.

Why outlaw a word? What difference does that make? Well, it’s more than the word. It’s the whole concept. When you take divorce off the table as a possible option, either now or in the future, it changes the whole dynamic of your marriage. Instead of a wimpy “’til our love turns cold” you MEAN “’til death do us part.” Instead of half-hearted, "well, we tried to make it work," you work at it until you get it right. You don’t approach marriage as "well, I’m making the best of it." You both say, "we want this to be great. We’re going to do what it takes to take it to the next level. We want long-term, deep love and passion. And we’re willing to do the hard work to make it reality!"

Whether you’re engaged, or newly wed, or approaching the 20, 30, 40+ year anniversary, I hope and pray that you have a testimony marriage—the kind those around you will want to emulate. Not for your glory, but as a testimony to the God who created man and woman and tells us how to do marriage right.