My Iron Woman

Recently I received a call that an elderly friend of mine was in the hospital and not doing well. She is nearing 90 years old, so any health issues are very serious for her. I got a lump in my throat thinking of her. “Bessie” is very special to me.

There are quite a few of those older women who have touched my life through the years. They are the ones who at various times said things that hurt my feelings or touched a raw nerve. They are also the ones who had a word of encouragement for me as well. I don’t think I realized at the time how much these women were impacting my life.

I remember one particular occasion. We were having some difficulties with our first child. He was about four or five months old and had some serious “spitting up” issues. It seemed like everything that went in, came back out within an hour or so. The doctor was well aware of it and we were experimenting with some ways to handle it, including feeding him smaller amounts more frequently. “Bessie” was in the nursery one Sunday night with him and afterward sternly admonished me to be feeding my child more because he was “really hungry”. Looking back, she was not mean about it at all, just concerned. However, I was devastated and cried to a friend about it, who consoled me and told me I was being a good mother. That was exactly what I wanted to hear. The thing is, he really was hungry. And I did need to be feeding him more. In the end, Bessie’s admonition spurred me on to be more proactive in the situation rather than just relying solely on the doctor’s recommendation.

There were a few other times that Bessie questioned whether or not my young husband and I were eating properly – too much pizza – and whether or not we were taking any time off and resting. At the time, I know I secretly rolled my eyes, but in retrospect I see that she really cared about us and was genuinely concerned that we were taking care of ourselves and not just putting everything we had into the ministry to the kids. She and her husband were great supporters of the youth in our church although they were never formal youth coaches or sponsors during our time there. Whenever we had a special youth emphasis or concert, there were always a few gray heads in the audience and theirs were among them. But they were also great supporters of us!

Thankfully I was able to hold my tongue and just take the advice I was given, and let the good stuff soak in and the bad stuff roll off my back. I’m grateful for that – grateful that I didn’t let my hurt feelings sever a relationship that ultimately made me a better mother and wife.

My encouragement to you is that even though people may say things that hurt your feelings or step on your toes, most of the time they are doing it with good intentions. We are not meant to live in a place where everybody agrees with everything we do and no one ever corrects us. Proverbs 27:17 tells us that one man sharpens another like iron sharpens iron. I imagine iron rubbing up against iron wouldn’t be the most comfortable feeling (the words remind me of fingernails on a chalkboard), but it does the job! The same can be said of our relationships with others. They are not always comfortable; people don’t always love everything you do. But their loving criticism can help you to become a better wife, mother, Christian and youth worker!

Bessie is one of my iron women. Look around, I bet you have one or two of them in your own life. Thank God for the example of these women living out Titus 2:3-5. And ask him to help you to accept the “advice” they bestow upon you, consider it and soak in the good and discard the hurtful, all the while loving the iron woman who gives it to you.